Becks + World

I will never know what a grilled cheese sandwich actually tastes like.

The Lady — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:52:55 +0000

Dear Kate,

The Lady — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 22:32:09 +0000

Am I the only person who wants to sit this woman down, feed her an entire pig in order for her to get a bit of meat on her body, and then delicately teach her a few different ways to do her eye liner while shoveling French fries into her mouth while she stands on a scale until she is the appropriate weight?

I mean, I know she’s athletic and all… but sometimes I just want to feed all the really skinny people. And re-do their eyeliner.

During a recession, it’s important to make budget cuts.

The Lady — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 00:28:53 +0000

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Have you ever wondered to yourself, how can I have delicious sexual intercourse without blowing my student budget?

Well my friends, I have searched the internet high and low for an incredible way to sweeten your bedroom antics using all natural and organic products to make a custom fit piece of fancy bedroom panties for both you and your partner to share.

I kid you not. These instructions are real. Please click here to see for yourself that I am not joking. At all.

THINGS YOU NEED in order to create a delicious pair of knickers. Italics are my personal notes in order to get the best flavour.

1 bushel red apples (organic free range and massaged are preferred)

1 cup water (filtered from the alps)

1 cup sugar (unrefined raw)

Large pot

Cooking spray

Baking sheet

Plastic wrap

Kitchen scissors

Pattern

Chopstick

How to make your undertheres.

Make Apple Fruit Leather

1 – Core, peel and slice a bushel of red apples and place them in a large stock pot.
2 – Add 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar to the pot. Cover and boil until it resembles apple sauce.
3 – Reduce the heat and simmer another 45 minutes.
4 – Spray your baking sheets with cooking spray and spread the contents of the pot onto the sheets.
5 – Place the baking sheets in a 140- to 150-degree oven. It takes 10 to 12 hours to dry the apple leather for your edible underwear.
6 – Lay out your apple leather on plastic wrap to prevent it from sticking to your countertops. Lay another piece of plastic wrap over the top to keep it clean until your ready cut it.

Cut Your Pattern

1 – Lay your underwear pattern out over you apple leather and cut it out using the paper as a guide.
2 – Cut your pattern out of the apple leather using the paper as a guide.
3 – Line up your underwear pieces and use the pointed end of a chopstick to poke holes in both sides of the edible underwear.
4 – Weave licorice through the holes in the edible underwear to "sew" it together.

They go on to give helpful hints like “you can find underwear patterns at your local sewing store” and “fruit leather should be tacky, and tough.”

No. Because when I am wearing my underwear, I desire an immediate brazillian that leaves behind the fresh scent of autumn breezes because my do dads are sticky, and not tacky.

Anyway. You’re welcome.

Saltspring Island Adventures.

The Lady — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:53:00 +0000

We went to one of my favourite places in the whole wide world. Saltspring Island. Here are some pictures of what we saw. Because I am a lazy bum, and don’t feel like writing about these since it is so long overudue. The places we went were Saltspring Island Cheese, Moonstruck …somethingsomething Cheese, some other farm with sheep and ponies, and then to Saltspring Island Vineyards, which really honestly and truly has the best blackberry port I’ve ever tasted in my life. It is AWESOME over ice cream.

Thank you sheep, for making my cheese.

BEST BLACKBERRY PORT EVAAR WUZ HURR.

Mt. Tolmie

The Lady — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 21:31:39 +0000

The other day I dragged Mike up to Mt. Tolmie to see the city while the sun set. This is what we saw:

Isn’t Victoria gorgeous? Don’t you miss it All-you-people-who-have-moved-away-but-still-bother-to-read-my-blog.-Especially-Becky?

The aforementioned should probably move closer to me before I have to move closer to her. And with her current opinion of the town of which she is residing, I don’t think she wants me to move there in order to save me.

The next day (or so) it was off to Fisherman’s to see the floating houses and to eat fish and chips (or a butter tart in my case)

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Mt. Tolmie and Fisherman’s Warf

The Lady — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 20:38:00 +0000

The other day I dragged Mike up to Mt. Tolmie to see the city while the sun set. This is what we saw:

Isn’t Victoria gorgeous? Don’t you miss it All-you-people-who-have-moved-away-but-still-bother-to-read-my-blog.-Especially-Becky?

The next day (or so) it was off to Fisherman’s to see the floating houses and to eat fish and chips (or a butter tart in my case)

A lot of these floating house boats were for sale. I think the concept is neat, but I much prefer a houseboat that looks like a boat, and not like a box. It seems more versatile to me.

Ciao, ciao and meow meow.

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This is a dirty dog.

The Lady — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 22:15:00 +0000

That is all.

Family.

The Lady — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 05:00:24 +0000

Hello All. I know I’ve been away, and I know you’ve been missing me, what with my fascinating life and all. I just thought I’d pop by and tell you what I’ve been up to, and through a series of posts that will be posted soon, you will find out, topic by topic what I’ve been doing in the meantime.

Yes, my hair is still doing fantastically. Very bouncy and what-have-you. Mousse is doing wonders for my hair and will continue to do so until it is time for me to change shampoos. I don’t know what will happen then. Probably mayhem.

Apartment living is great. We have a new family member:

He’s pretty much everything we’ve dreamed of, and more. He likes to sit in things, like the bathtub, or our clean laundry, or my dresser. We’ve actually acquired a new dresser and we’ve literally given him a drawer that is constantly kept open so that he can hop in and out of it at will. He’s the bomb.

Some mornings when we wake up, Wesley has brought us gifts of his favourite string, as if to say "I’m ready to play now! Why are you sleeping?" Rob has found string between his toes, and one morning there was a single piece of string between us and between our sheets.

We’re still not sure how he pulled off that one.

Zoolander.

The Lady — Fri, 06 May 2011 02:07:41 +0000

I don’t think I’ve ever had really excellent hair on a regular basis. However, when Groupon had a deal for the Body Shop and Lauren and I went, I made a little purchase of shampoo and hair mousse.

I am now using the hair mousse.

I have really fantastic hair on a regular basis.

Hair products are magical. I’m not sure why I never used them before. Mousse takes litterally 10 seconds to apply once you get past the antlers and those weird jowl-ey things.

I now want to walk around like a swooshy model and make Zoolander faces at everyone.

Kind of like this, but 5 years in the future, and not in a school play acting as a nanny with a short-term memory problem from The Importance of Being Ernest.

3rd time moving in 12 months.

The Lady — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 01:15:49 +0000

I AM AN APARTMENT RENTER.

And I won’t get flooded because I’m not on the ground, and there’s no more floors above me.

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

All that there is left to do is:

sign the agreement
move
find things to furnish the new place with
save money so I can get a kitty cat.
wait until the baked beans are done cooking in the crock pot so I can have dinner. Have been craving baked beans since I had them last in July. Good things come to those who wait.

These are the important things in life.

weeeeeee…